Reading the Label is Hard

“People hate to and will not read instructions.”

— Nolan Bushnell

Am I the only pharmacist who has the most illiterate patient base in the world? Its a tossup between having patients who honestly cant read, or who are too lazy to read what we put on the bottle. I’ve been saying for years that I can print the winning lottery numbers in the sig and the prize will never ever be claimed.

As a side note: I’m not writing this to shit on people who honestly never learned to read, or who come from countries who do not have an education system in place that’s as prevalent as the system here. This is about people who you know they can read, yet choose to not read.

So without further adeu, here are the types of people who never read whats on the label.

The Types of People Who Never Read Rx Labels #

The Cow Eyes #

These souls have the blank stare down to Olympic level mastery. Noticed by the unsettling ability to look through you vs at you, they just smile and nod as you are trying to explain to them that there has been a sig/strength change. Not noted for their mental horsepower, these masters of the derp will call you either when they get home to have you re-explain everything you said when they were in the store or will call you in a week when they are out of medication because they have been taking it absolutely wrong. Do not be alarmed if they call back and ask you the exact same question in about 2-10 days. The derp is strong.

These people are also notorious for wanting something to write on when you are explaining the new directions, only to write down the exact same thing that is printed on the bottle. When you bring attention to this fact they look up and just say “oh” like its some novel concept that we put how to take the medication on the bottle.

Auxiliary stickers for common side effects (or better yet, NEW STRENGTH/DIRECTIONS)? Dont bother! They won’t read those either. Even if you put them on the cap/bottle border (like you would tamper-proof tape) they still won’t read them even though you need to peel the sticker off to open the bottle.

A testament to the resiliency of the human body, these mental giants push their body’s systems to the limit by fucking up the most simplest of directions on medications that really dont need instructions like insulin and warfarin. Hell just take it how you want to!

When dealing with these idio..er..patients the best thing to do is to document everything you told them due to the fact that they can’t read a fucking Rx bottle label but when the shit goes south they sure as shit can read legal paperwork when they sue your ass.

The “I know more than you about this” Nurse/Teacher #

Notorious for proudly admitting that they were a nurse or a teacher without being asked, these patients don’t need you, don’t need a label, don’t need anything because their knowledge obviously exceeds yours on the topic of pharmacology, therapeutics, and life itself. They never read the label because by the very nature of their past careers, they know exactly how to take this medication.

Obviously knowing so much about everything must be incredibly frustrating, because these patients come in always in a hurry (because retirement has a pressing schedule), are incredibly rude, have an aura of arrogance, and treat everyone like they are stupid.

When consulting these poster-children of “Nothing is worse than an idiot who think they are smart”, they will try to ask you “intelligent” questions using medical words that make no sense while vomiting out irrelevant bullshit that you know they misread on Reddit or some other message board. When corrected, they get upset and again inform you that they are a retired nurse or a retired teacher (as if that magically makes them all-knowing about pharmacology). They will refuse any further consulting and huffily leave to go spend their retirement checks at Lane Bryant or the local casino.

Do not ask the retired “nurse” where they used to work; for then will you realize that this “nurse” was not an RN after all, therefore using the stolen valor of someone who actually passed the state boards to earn that title.

Try to stifle the laughter or the urge to say “I told you so” when they call in a week acting shocked when they finally realize there is a direction/strength change despite you telling them, the label being highlighted where it states there is a change, their receipt showing (in highlight) a change, and a sticker on the top of the cap notating there is a change. Too proud to admit their error, they will argue with you that you ’never told them’ or ‘didn’t put anything on the bottle’ in order to save their psyche the mental paradox that they in-fact fucked up.

The “I have been taking this for longer than you’ve been alive” patient #

Very similar to the above “I know more than you” crowd, this particular specimen feels that because they have been on this medication for an extended period of time that it absolves them of reading the label for any direction change.

When told about any direction change, they will immediately claim that either the pharmacist or the doctor fucked up, because there is NO way that they would change this medication. When present with the printout of the eRx, they will claim that “That’s not my doctor” (narrator: it is and has been for years) or “There must be a mistake, you need to call the office RIGHTNOW(tm) and get this cleared up” (narrator: there was no mistake).

The concept of dosing adjustments due to age or condition changes is a concept so foreign to them that just mentioning it makes them have a stroke, heart attack, and a bad case of scabies all at once. Their brain cannot comprehend that a dose needs to be altered due to advanced age.

The best way to handle this is to notify them of the change, and if they have any questions about their condition to contact their doctor. Let them deal with this bullshit.

There are other classes of patients who don’t read labels (the lazy, the stupid, etc), but these are the 3 main groups that about 80% of them fit into. Remember to always cover your ass and document that you explained to them about any changes (as well as putting stickers all over the bottle).