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Types of Patients, part 5-o!

·3960 words·19 mins

Yup, Still some more!

  • From Rebecca:
    what about the “last-minuter”?
    the pharmacy closes at 9 pm – which means that i want to physically leave the pharmacy at 9 pm. you start to clean the bench and turn off the computer at 5 minutes till closing, knowing in your heart of hearts that you won’t be able to accomplish a battle with insurance, filling a prescription, and ringing the thing out plus counseling in the next 5 minutes. this person comes tearing into the pharmacy at 2 minutes until closing, breathlessly exclaiming that it’s an “emergency”. really? your birth control script from a month ago is an emergency? screw off. then you get the dirty hateful blank stare when you tell them you are closing and it will be ready for them tomorrow morning. if you’re lucky, they will threaten to tell your manager. if you’re unlucky (like me) they will send a fax filled with many correctly spelled words describing you in filthy terms. now, why was it again i should stay late for your self-created crisis? because i want to help people? yeah – people with real problems. it’s not my fault you couldn’t drag yourself here in a reasonable amount of time.

    • From Patrick:
      The Traveler: Always comes in at least 20 days early
      to get his 30 day supply of Vicodin, Xanax, Soma, etc.
      refilled because he’s “going out of town.” I swear,
      drug addicts travel more than any people I know!
      Always gets pissed when I don’t fill the
      prescription(s) early.
      Can ONLY Talk To The Pharmacist: This type of patient
      believes he MUST talk to the pharmacist, and ONLY the
      pharmacist each time he calls or visits the pharmacy.
      It doesn’t matter if it is something as simple as
      calling in prescription numbers for refills, he MUST
      talk to the pharmacist, damn it! While I guess I
      should be flattered that these patients hold me in
      such high esteem, I assure you that my technicians are
      perfectly capable of writing down prescription
      I Only Want To Deal With (Insert Name Here): Similar
      to “Can Only Talk To The Pharmacist.” This type of
      patient believes that only one person working in the
      pharmacy is capable of helping him, so he only wants
      to talk to that particular person, and NOBODY else.
      You know you have encountered this type of patient
      when the following scenario takes place: “Is
      so-and-so working today?” “No, she’s off today. Is
      there something I can help you with?” “NO, I’ll call
      back when SHE’S there!” (slams phone down) I guess
      these people either have to change pharmacies or are
      just shit-out-of-luck when their special person quits.
      Refuses To Read The Label: We get at least five calls
      from these morons daily. “I need to know if I’ve got
      any refills left on this. Let me get the bottle and
      give you the number.” Do they really not see the
      “Refills Remaining” at the bottom of the label????
      Cannot Pronounce “Prescription”: I can’t believe how
      many times I’ve heard this word mangled. Examples:
      subscription, recription, encryption, trip-shun,
      scrip-shun, proscription
      Cannot Pronounce “Generic”: Usually the same people
      who also cannot pronounce “prescription.” Examples:
      genetic, geriatric, jer-netic, jen-teric. Every
      pharmacist has heard the following sentence at least
      once: “I don’t want genetic on my subscription!”
      The Shopper: Seen most often in supermarket
      pharmacies. Drops off her prescription and says “I
      need to pick up a couple of things in the store, so
      I’ll come back to get this later.” Inevitably, she
      returns with a shopping cart loaded with a fucking
      MOUNTAIN of groceries, and expects them to be rung up
      with her prescription. Bitches, complains to store
      management, calls the corporate office, etc., when we
      refuse to ring up all of her shit.
      The Dirty Old Man: Tries to flirt with the attractive
      young female technicians, clerks, and
      pharmacists…along with the ugly older ones, too.
      Always laughed at when he leaves the pharmacy,
      especially if he has just picked up a prescription for
      The Horny Older Woman: Not nearly as common as the
      Dirty Old Man, but she does exist. Flirts with the
      male pharmacy staff, especially the pharmacists since
      they make the most money. Unfortunately, these are
      never women that 99.9999% of guys want to hook up
      with. Why is it always the 60-something grandmother
      who tells me I have “pretty eyes” instead of a smoking
      hot 18-year-old girl?
      She’s Hot, But… : We’ve this running joke going in
      my pharmacy for about 10 years. It seems like every
      time a good-looking woman comes up to the counter, she
      always has a prescription for Terazol, Valtrex,
      Metrogel Vaginal, Aldara, or some other medication for
      a vaginal problem. It almost NEVER fails!

      • From Oskier:
        The one on govt. aid
        This person, on government aid, calls on the last day of the month and
        declares, “I still have my (insert number of free prescriptions/month
        they get) slots left for the month. Do I have anything I can get
        refilled?” Never mind that they have no idea what is on their profile
        and that they obviously don’t need the medication since they haven’t
        filled it since the first time they got it 4 months ago, they just
        want to use their slots because they can. We are paying so they can
        have 3 months of unused Caduet somewhere in their mess of a medicine
        cabinet. By the way, they have no idea why they are on Caduet and
        what it is used for.
        The foreigner who doesn’t bother to learn English
        This person knows no English and comes up to your counter and starts
        talking in their language assuming that you speak their language. I’m
        sorry, I don’t know 10 different languages. Then you proceed to try
        to help them through sign language, pointing at various parts and
        saying the few foreign words that you do know. After 5 minutes, they
        get exasperated and walk off.
        The angry person who goes to the wrong pharmacy
        You would think this wouldn’t happen too much, but unfortunately, we
        do get many people who go to the wrong pharmacy. This person is
        picking up for someone else. This person had something go wrong in
        their day. At which point, they go off on some angry tirade about how
        their wife/husband/friend told them to pick up their rx at your XYZ
        pharmacy, they always go to XYZ pharmacy, no, it is not possible that
        it is at ABC pharmacy. This person is just absolutely steaming, their
        mouth is frothing, smoke is coming out of the ears. Because you are
        so nice, even though they are ready to jump over the counter and
        strangle you because you don’t have any idea what they are talking
        about, you offer to call to other pharmacies close by and see if they
        have it. Of course, it is ready to be picked up at ABC pharmacy, not
        yours, and you don’t get so much feeble sorry after you inform them of
        this little tidbit of important information.
        The stinker
        Speaks for itself. You are more than happy to put them at the front
        of the line, just to get them out of the store because the pharmacy
        smells like the roadkill pile at the local trash dump.
        The “Did my Dr. call back yet?”
        No refills. Dr has been faxed. Calls every hour on the hour. You
        know who he/she is by voice. No, we have not gotten the fax back.
        Yes, we did check our fax machine. Usually one of the rudest
        customers the pharmacy has.
        The drive thru shopper
        Not even a pharmacy customer. Comes through the drive thru. Can I
        get some (insert OTC name)? Some even have the audacity to ask for
        milk or some other non-pharmacy related item. I’m sorry, drive thru
        is for pick up and drop off of PRESCRIPTION medications only.

        • From Nikki:
          The Drop and Runner~
          The patient that sees there is 4 people ahead of them in line at drop-off, 7 people in line at pickup and the line at drive thru is wrapped around the building. They take their Rx out walk past everyone else after standing in line for about 11 seconds and butt in front of everyone, say “Ill be back to get this tomorrow” and walks briskly out of the store.
          Sucks for them when they come back in the morning and hear “Im so sorry maam. you didnt leave your date of birth! if you want to wait 30 minutes we can get it ready for you”
          Then she (always a she) says “why will it take so long for you to slap a label on a bottle of Xalatan??”

          • From Julie:
            non-perscription customer
            The jerk that walks up to the counter and it will be any race, gender, or age and they throw the whole store on your counter while you are in the middle of counting 300 Ascol. People expect you to stop everything just so you can ring up their diet pills and 4 bags of hershey kisses, as well as kitty litter, goya coffee, and crossword puzzle books. Then they have the audacity to ask stupid questions about a stupid sale that you know nothing about because it is a pharmacy not the rest of the store. Then they decide that they want to pay $3 by check, then $15 by credit card, then the remaining $7 with a gift card. true accounts in my everyday life 🙂

            • From CeeKay:
              The One that Won’t Go Away-This lady (who used to be an LPN) has been my customer since opening the store 15 yrs ago. Always checking prices and trying to make me match W*\**World. Finally told her years ago that if I don’t make money I will close and she will have to use W*****World.
              See her in Sam’s on my day off. I have to avoid her because of a requiring a bathroom. She follows me into the bathroom, yells at me to hurry up and stands there talking to me while I’m sh***ing. All to tell me some gossip when I’mm done. Ever wonder why Michael Jackson is so nuts?

              • From D
                Ex pharmacy employee
                They haven’t worked in a pharmacy in a hundred years but they know everything. Will stand and tell you how it use to be. ” We had to type all the labels by hand, count the pills by hand, tote that barge lift that bale and so on.” Will announces to the store if they where back there nobody would be waiting in line. So you tell them “the reason that line is 6 deep is because of the ten prescription they brought in only 1 had refills ,2 of the others the doctor moved over a year ago, and printer is still printing rejects on the other bullshit you brought in. Plus now we have third party payers (back then everyone paid cash) that will screw you over every chance they get, BTW the insurance card you have is no good Have a nice day!
                Delivery idiot
                Life’s true winners. Calls in for refills to be delivered. Fill rx’s, give to delivery guy, start working on other orders. 15 minutes later back on the phone wanting to know what’s taking so long. Try to explain he delivers when he in the area not on first come first serve. No dice ” I’ve been out of medicine for 3 days now and I need it RIGHT NOW.” Question 1″ Why did you wait until you were out dumbass?” Question 2 ” Is there anyway you could be more demanding”. 2 hours later driver brings sack back and tells us the house is empty. Ok, try to call but phones been disconnected. MMMM now what. You have to wait until the bitch calls back to scream at you for taking so long! After a 5 minute rant she runs out of steam and you able to ask the magic question “Did you by any chance move?” Well yes I moved about a week ago, why is that important, the doctor office knows about it” is the reply. You then explain that if there is refills YOU DON’T CALL THE DOCTOR, YOU FILL IT AND SEND IT TO THE ADDRESS ON FILE. Now if your medicine is that important then tell us where the hell you live! Then just after the driver leaves with the order again and you calm down, SHE CALLS BACK TO TELL YOU SHE FORGOT TO ORDER SOMETHING AND NEED IT DELIVERED BECAUSE “I’M COMPLETELY OUT AND NEED IT BEFORE DINNER”. This isn’t someone that’s old or disabled. It’s a welfare queen that thinks everyone owes her something.

                • From Laura:
                  I know you have a technology one on there, but can we talk about the people who punch the touch screen credit card machines. It’s a fucking touch screen, not a boxing match. These are the people who push it so hard I think the thing is going to break and then when i politely tell them if you touch the top of the button lightly it will take it. Also the people that use the pen on the touch screen and put it back between each question. It says credit or debit, they type in their pin, then put it down, it asks if you would like cash back, they hit no, then put the pen down, then it asks if the total is ok, then proceed to ask me, why are there so many questions. I made it that way because I enjoy your presence, I don’t know now take your prescriptions and get the fuck away from my counter.
                  We have a few habitual callers, they are a subclass to the crack head since they are only calling 15 times to get controls. I don’t have your refill, call your doctor’s office and tell them to call us instead of leaving it on the fucking voicemail. If you call me one more time, I am going to fill your prescription, sell it since you don’t have a copay and then flush them down the fucking toilet so you can’t have any for 3 more weeks, how do you like that, quit calling.
                  My last one is The “Can you do this as fast as you can” lady. Sure I have a waiting room full of people, but I am just DYING to do your CII before all the other ones I have. I realize that you just got out of the hospital for God only knows what, but I have 2 ladys that have just had babies ahead of you and I guess their pain doesn’t matter. Take your stupid ass over to the waiting room. I will get to you after I get to the other 4 crackheads that brought in their ER rx’s before you

Comments #

Comment by CeeKay on 2006-11-04 06:44:46 -0800 #

Patient-Yes, Plavix is generic. I got it last week from the hospital.
Me-Sorry, they’ve stopped shipping it a month ago.
Patient-I got generic I know it is available generically.
Me-Sorry see you later

Comment by pharmacy tech gone postal on 2006-11-04 13:13:53 -0800 #

How about the TMIer.
This is the woman who will stand at the counter and loudly tell you how she needs those suppositories right away because she has hemmorhoids hanging out of her ass and a prolapsed vagina thats hanging out and feels awful and I don’t know what all else because I stopped listening to her 2 years ago, when she told me all about her “adult” sons hemmorhoids and how “she” had to use suppositories on him etc…. Now when someone gives too much info we call it being “pummelled” (not her real name, no hipaa violation)

Comment by Why am I still doing this?? on 2006-11-04 16:42:52 -0800 #

The saddest part of your on-going expose’ about our customers is that its the same old shit. Every day, no matter which chain you work for or what part of the country you live in.
I always thought it was just some kind of cruel punishment that I got to deal with all these types of people, but now I know that its not just me… they’re at every pharmacy. Now I just feel bad for society as a whole.
why the FUCK would ANYBODY want to work in retail?

Comment by ladyrph on 2006-11-05 09:23:49 -0800 #

I’m 29, and anytime a remotely decent guy my age comes to drop off it’s for (1)Viagra/Cialis/Levitra, (2) Valtrex, (3) Aldara, or (4) Propecia

Comment by Amy on 2006-11-12 22:52:50 -0800 #

What about the cell phone user?
You know thee one who is on the cell phone the entire time you are talking to them and then asks you a bunch of questions to which the answer was what I was telling them when they were on the phone!! Drive thru is the worst at this!!

Comment by AngryPharmTech on 2006-11-20 07:36:04 -0800 #

I am so glad I found this site….going to recommend it to all of my co-workers in the pharmacy I work at.
Have to tell you though .. I almost blew diet coke out my nose when I read this line … “At this point I wished for those mental powers to blow someones head up. ” haaahahhhaaaa !!! YES YES YES … I want that superpower too !!!
Geeez .. I have so many stories to share .. where do I begin ?? Should I tell the one about the customer who asked if we had caller ID so we could tell if it was him that was calling ?(No, a$$hole, you call us 10 times a day … trust me .. we ALL recognize your voice) Or the one about the woman who likes us to guess which insurance plan she is using for each of her 14 prescriptions this month ? (Sigh .. we always seem to pick the wrong one … which she tells us about AFTER we have finished ringing her up) Or the one about the welfare mom who is having another baby so she can get more free prescriptions each month ? (Told as she was picking up some Prenatal Vitamins 3 months after her last of 6 children was born) Or the one about the guy who wants us to deliver to him even though he lives across the street and shops in the store daily ? ( It’s too hot, too cold, too rainy, or too tiring for him to f*\**ing drive over) Or the one who insists we “price match” W****World ? (Then shop there you old bag .. who cares!) Or the one about the guy who insists, monthly, that his apartment was robbed and all they stole were his CII’s ? (Maybe if you stopped selling them, people won’t know you have them Sherlock) No? You have already heard those stories ? YOU have those customers, too ??? LOL.
Anyway … keep up the site .. I will start checking it daily now that I have found it. I have not yet decided whther it’s a consolation to know I am not alone in my general disgust for some of our customers, or if it’s extremely sad to know there are so many idiots and a$$holes out there.

Comment by P4 on 2006-11-22 17:49:46 -0800 #

Has anyone mentioned the Empty Threat Maker? The person that at least monthly threatens to never return to your pharmacy because it takes too long/the people are rude/his copay is too expensive/we keep denying early refills/ad nauseum. You want to tell her/him not to let the door hit their ass on the way out, but you know they will return again next month to make more empty threats and get your hopes up that this might really be the last time you see him/her.
Please, do us all a favor, Empty Threat Maker, and take your wasted breath and your stank-ass to Wal-Mart.

Comment by AP on 2006-12-10 19:46:28 -0800 #

What about the asshole that comes through drive through wanting his refill and you don’t have it? He starts swearing and says he turned it in 2 days ago. He gets pissed and leaves and then drives around the store back into drive through with his bottle…all proud. I look at the bottle and the fucker is at the wrong pharmacy!!

Comment by chris on 2006-12-25 00:44:22 -0800 #

my fucking blood boils when some medicaid cocksucker says the following phrase “just fill all of my scriptions that are ready to be filled” thats real easy considering your on 21 different medications because your broke ass doesnt take care of your body. its even worse when the reach their ham-fist into their purse and produce 4 ADHD CIIs for their fucked up kids. to top it off they want it ready in 10 minutes. true story. i call this patient the “fat-cow fuck fest” patient

Comment by Stu on 2007-02-09 11:11:01 -0800 #

As a (REALLY I am) sympathetic-with-your-situation physician, I see some variations on the patient types. Many of my “brand name ONLY!!” demanding patients are cured overnight of this nonsense when their insurance changes. Suddenly I get a panic call to change everything to generic because of the cost. The Doughnut hole brought out a whole ton of these types that wouldn’t listen to me about generics before. Another version is the patient who will drive to the office every month begging for samples of, let’s say Altace, and flat out refuse a lisinopril Rx; at the price of gas, they have to be doing worse with this plan. And when we don’t have Altace, they want something else (usually ends up with something like Avapro). Some of these people will actually fill a Rx for one of these “me-too” drugs and pay more than they would for a years worth of the generic I’ve been suggesting for ages. Finally, there are the ones who tell me that two of the 200mg Advil work better for them than a 600mg prescription ibuprofen.

Comment by Ed on 2007-11-29 17:31:02 -0800 #

The ones that make my ass suck air are the ‘once a year visit to check on Mom/Dad’.. These assholes live 400 miles away,usually retired teachers with a lifetime subscription to WEB MD,and make their annual visit home with the sole purpose of making your life miserable. They invariably arrive on Fri night and waltz into my store on Saturday AM,with every MD in 40 miles on a golf course to demand to know just WHAT their parent is taking that has them living in WWII again. Then explain to me (with WEB MD Printout in tow) just why their 95 yo parent just ABSOLUTELY doesn’t need to be on the BP med that they are taking because it can cause delusional thinking in 0.01% of patients that take it.
I want to take these people by the shirt collar and ask them HOW that they can go a fucking year without seeing their parent(s)..just what is keeping their retarded retired asses 400 miles away,when this old person obviously needs them..and just what gives them the RIGHT to question my expertise,when they spent 30 years turning out kids that can’t read the fucking THREE BEARS and are now on the state draw producing MORE kids that can’t read the THREE BEARS!

Comment by alberta71 on 2009-07-14 22:10:35 -0700 #

You got it! I now have signs at each end of the pharmacy (drop off and pick up) that state ” Please finish your cell phone conversation BEFORE approaching our counter” I have had more positive feedback than negative…..and I saw it first at a freaking deli counter!