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DEA is useful as tits on a boar

·5020 words·24 mins

I hope the DEA is reading this, because they are not only a burden, but a tax drain on pharmacies and on the public in general.  Thats right DEA, I’m talking to you.  Lets show the whole world why you are as useful as tits on a boar.

In California, every pharmacy must transmit weekly a log of its controlled Rx’s that it has dispensed.  These are transmitted directly to the state as part of its CURES program.  Good idea right? Sorta.

Whats nice about this is that I can fill out some paperwork, fax it in, and in 1-2 weeks I get a nice printout via mail of all the narcs a certain patient is getting.  Of course this is after I can do absolutely nothing about it, but hey, its better than nothing.  To be honest these reports are downright useful. I would give lapdances if they would have an online system where I
could query in real-time my patients who might be narc-shopping.  It
wouldn’t even be hard, just limit it to patients that have gotten
something filled under the pharmacy’s DEA number in the past.  No HIPAA
problems there.

You should SEE the look on a patients face when you slide the report in front of them after they have given you both barrels about how you wont refill their vicodin early.  It makes it even sweeter when you say that you have faxed EVERY doctor on the list this report.  One woman even cried in front of me.  I almost felt sorry for her if she wasn’t a raging bossy commanding bitch who would go from calm to insane if you told her no.  See what happens when you lie to your pharmacist and doctors about pain pills?  Don’t give me this “She was in pain and it wasn’t controlled” sob-story bullshit.  If she took what the report said she received, her liver would of been blown out long by now.  Guess the Escalade is going to be repo’d now.  Pity.

Now, you may be asking why I think the DEA are useless with regards to the profession of pharmacy.  Well, they collect this information, but do absolutely nothing with it other than collect it.

In the past, when I was out of school and ‘Out to Change the World(tm)’, I would call the DEA when I saw doctors with “funny” prescribing habits.  Say like a month’s worth of vicodin written out every 10 days.  You know, stuff that your pharmacy will blacklist a doctor for (not piddly stuff like an oncologist giving an early fill once in a while).  I call the DEA and the Bureau of Narcotic Enforcement to get some ignorant dillhole who had no idea why I was calling.  5 transfers later, still nobody who had any CLUE as to why I was calling or who I should talk to.  Wonderful.  Fuck you DEA, I tried to help so now you can do your own fucking job.

To make matters worse, they are cracking down on the wholesalers.  Did you know that I can order 80 bottles of concentrated oxycodone solution with no problems, but the DEA is forcing my wholesaler to only allow me to buy 2 x 1000 count of soma and 2 x 500 count vicodin per working day?  They say its to prevent pharmacy diversion, but lets take a closer look at this.

  1. The wholesaler knows how many I buy (obviously).
  2. The DEA gets weekly reports as to how many I dispense.


Per month/year/whatever, they take the quantity from the stuff I transmit (#2) + whatever stock I have on hand (my vico-dans, let me sho u demz) and that SHOULD be ballpark to what my wholesaler sells me (#1).  Since we have to do stock-on-hand estimates every 2 years, that can be the ballpark starting inventory before the tally takes place.

However the DEA, in their infinite wisdom, is mandating my wholesaler take PICTURES of the pharmacies (to which my boss promptly flipped off, there were patients in the store so I couldn’t hang my bare ass at them) as well as sign a quadzilloin pieces of paper that say “I AM NOT AN INTERNET PHARMACY”.  They punish the wholesalers and the pharmacies because they are too stupid and/or lazy to use the information that THEY MANDATE WE GIVE THEM to determine who’s selling under the table and who’s not.  In a high volume pharmacy, 1000 vicodin is what, 10 rx’s?  Soma is 20 rx’s? Oh, did I mention that Soma isn’t a controlled drug? Tell me how that works and tell me why the DEA is sticking their noses into what I can and cannot stock and how much of it I want to stock.  What if there is a rumored price increase for soma and I want to buy a 6 month supply? Too bad.  Guilty until proven innocent.

So day in and day out we are the vicodin police living in fear of the dreaded DEA audit.  Those aren’t fun, when hell freezes over and the agents get off their asses and actually do one.  Do they care about phonies? Nope.  Does anyone care about phonies? Nope.  Even the doctors don’t care when the patient decided to give themselves 3 refills on their Vico-Dan ES prescription; “Oh, the’re in pain, fill it anyways – no refills”.  Yeah, write me out a check for $100 and after I add about 4 zero’s behind it you can tell the bank “Oh, he’s just poor, cash it.”

Don’t get me started at the whole logging Sudafed transactions.  What roomful of non-medical politicians decided to jerk each other off and pass such a shitty hole-ridden law such as this is beyond me.  Yay, I have a book that has every Claritin-D Rx in it.  So does every other pharmacy out there.  Doesn’t prevent the 18-wheeler full of sudafed thats being trucked in from MEXICO that the crank-cookers use.  Again, we can check our little books and realize that Juan Jose Carlos Maragariga VIII has been to every store in town to buy sudafed.  Will work really great after he’s arrested (or dead) after his lab blows up; BUT HEY WE HAVE THE LOGS TO SHOW HE BOUGHT SUDAFED (as if busted in a lab wasn’t enough).  The FDA shot themselves in the foot by pulling PPA off of the market because fatties were OD’ing on the stuff to lose weight – did they somehow not see this coming?

So DEA, after you are done subpoenaing me, auditing my store, ruining my life and wasting your time to find I’ve done NOTHING wrong, realize that pharmacists all over the country think that you pretty much suck and should stick your nose out of our business unless we call you.  We went to school to deal with this shit, you didn’t.  Oh, and give us a web-interface for all of the HIPAA violating data that you collect on a weekly basis. We can do *your* job a whole lot better if we can get the information NOW rather than after the patient has shopped every pharmacy in town (as if you will do anything about it anways).

Comments #

Comment by NoleRx on 2008-04-22 09:18:07 -0700 #

That sucks about Cali TAP. Here in Colorado we have an online database that I can pull up instantly! It lags by a couple of days but it’s still pretty cool. It shows where the rx’s were filled, which doc wrote them, how many were dispensed and how the patient paid. AWESOME!! Get on board Cali and get your shit together, online is the only way to be truly effective in the war against these fucking crackhead customers!

Comment by Zombie Met on 2008-04-22 13:36:47 -0700 #

As a pharmacy tech, I’ve always wondered exactly what the DEA did besides tracking what we ordered (I’m in New Mexico). This sorta depresses me. Are we as pharmacists really the only defense against addicts, dealers, and their ilk?
Also, in the state of NM, Soma is a controlled substance. I thought this meant something, but now I’m not so sure it means anything besides the typical do-not-transfer rules.

Comment by ipw on 2008-04-22 14:33:56 -0700 #

I’m in Colorado too and that database is sweet. I mean seriously, we have a couple of people where it feels like we’re scrolling through their profiles for forever. Ridiculous. And I concur, fuck the DEA! Especially for that sudafed shit

Comment by Cindy on 2008-04-22 16:02:02 -0700 #

Here in IL, we also have to submit every schedule drug to Atlantic Associates once a week. But, it is available online once you register for the system. And, they actually called me to make sure I was a real pharmacist before they let me have access to the system. I just put the patient’s name in and birthday and it tells me what drugs they are getting, the doctor, the pharmacy, the quantity, and the days supply….Considering IL is backwards compared to other states I have worked in, I’m suprised that in this one area, they seem to be ahead.

Comment by on 2008-04-22 16:16:45 -0700 #

I’m at tech in Illinois and we just got access to the online rx monitoring system. It’s fantastic. However, there are certain rules that dont allow you to look up everyone under the sun that you fill for or you will be heavily fined. You are only allowed to do it if you feel the customer is suspicious. LAME! We did however, find out that one of our cash brand Focalin customers was going to 7 diff Dr’s and every pharmacy in a 100 mile radius….Another pharmacy she goes to called the cops. They dont care. Niether does the DEA. Big surprise!!!—Not!

Comment by RJS on 2008-04-22 19:47:59 -0700 #

Pharmacy tech @ 1.36,
Soma is scheduled in a few states, one of the states I work in among them:

Comment by BlueTech on 2008-04-23 00:03:34 -0700 #

Wow, a form would be a blessing to us. Here in Connecticut, we have no such system at all. We have to rely on insurance companies and hoping that the addicts shop at Rite-aid down the street. God forbid they shop in the next town over as well, there’s about 15 independants that they could use.
Side note: Did you know that it’s an official Walgreens policy to prepare for CVS stores opening by trying to buy out every independant in a 3-mile radius? Yeah, I read it on the Walnet (Yes, it’s called Walnet). Kinda scares me that I work for these monsters.

Comment by frank on 2008-04-23 18:54:23 -0700 #
“The Drug Enforcement Administration has collected relevant data and requested a scientific and medical evaluation and scheduling recommendation for carisoprodol from the Department of Health and Human Services. The Office of Diversion Control of the Drug Enforcement Administration continues to gather information on the abuse, diversion and trafficking of carisoprodol. Reports of actual abuse are an extremely important factor in establishing the abuse potential of a substance for control under the Controlled Substances Act. Please contact Doctor Kira Hutchinson at the below address for further information, or to report any encounter with carisoprodol.”
Are you kidding me? still collecting data??
talking about idiot feds.

Comment by Drugmonkey, Master of Pharmacy on 2008-04-26 00:27:07 -0700 #

If the boar was some sort of transvestite, gender confused type, I bet he could find tits way useful.
Perhaps the boar could make a living as some sort of trans-gendered escort to other bi-curious boars. Then the tits would not only be useful, but would save him a lot in start-up sex-change surgery expense

Comment by angry Male Nurse on 2008-04-26 22:16:19 -0700 #

I don’t get the DEA, what to they get out of this? They are going against big pharm, and given the general MO of the current administration this is contradictory to how business is done with bushies.
Are their intentions (albeit misguided) good?
Or maybe has the DEA gotten so bad at stopping more tradition illegal street narcotics that now they are relegated to “stopping” drug transactions by medical professionals? That’s got to be it. They need their drug busts to be fucking handed to them through medical records and pharm invoices.
Your post was depressing. Big fucking brother watching you to try and get some points for a congressman whose just wants to be able to say they are “cracking down” .

Comment by bear on 2008-12-15 21:36:06 -0800 #

The hell with all of you!
We could buy drugs from a Sears cataloug until politics may I add racial politics, made a prohibition on narcotics. Remember alcohol and the roaring twenties? yeah now just see the movie Scarface. We made billions for criminals and jailed thousands for a public health problem (addiction) And you guys are proud of yourselves for catching a few doctor shoppers? The hell with you! Did you not at one time compound medcations and other such things? Now you dispense froma bottle big freakin deal! Shame on you and the DEA wasting tax dollars on a war on people you call self rightously a War on drugs! When will you win this war? When everyone with addiction or real pain issues are in jail? wise up you creeps and get a real job

Comment by measlyTech on 2009-07-01 22:49:03 -0700 #

Yes, I recently saw a whole section of Oxycodone in the last Sears catalog, right after the section selling women’s brassieres. Gah, I only wish we had any sort of monitoring system here in Florida. Every time its put up for a vote, it gets shot down. But on the plus side, Soma is a C3 here!

Comment by Just Wonderin’ on 2010-02-08 21:38:43 -0800 #

It’s a shame to say, but a close friend of mine recently called crying that her doctor had been filling her xanax for 7 years and told her yesterday that he wanted to end their patient/doctor relationship because for once he did some digging and found out what the rest of us already knew, that she was getting not only xanax from 2 different physicians but vicoden, dilaudid, percocet and darvocets as well. On one week she’d call and not remember anything she talked about and would cuss the person out on the other end because it was her god given right to have all those drugs going thru her system at one time, not to mention that she will pop 3 ambien during the day “for her nerves.” The doctor obviously pulled her chart/her list of meds and pulled a full inquiry and was shocked to see what he should have checked on before…um that she’s a medicine seeker. What person give’s out 40 dilaudid pills with a refill and then gives another taken to a different pharmacy.
Anyhoo…my question is this. Now that they are on to her and have pulled her record and discovered all of these pills/doctors/emergency rooms at different hospitals….etc., not to mention pharmacy jumping, what is supposed to happen. Do they involve the DEA or do they flag her around the whole state to stop her from going anywhere else with a pain scale of ” Ohhhh, It’s a 15″, while boo hooing!! Is she flagged, will they put her in mandatory rehab, which is where she should go, or will they do nothing. She’s needed to be in mandatory rehab for a year now with this nonsense but seems no one has the balls to put her there.
So pretty much….now that they’ve found her out, what happens now???

Comment by Feeduppharmacist on 2010-02-10 19:53:23 -0800 #

What probably happens now is nothing. She will find a new doctor and continue her addiction.

Comment by phuckyouall on 2010-04-25 19:57:00 -0700 #

Oh I get it now, this is why all of you pharmacists are such fucking ASSHOLES when I try to get my Suboxone filled. You all have a god complex and you feel that it is YOUR job to tell me if and when I can get my medication, even if my doctor says it is okay. Go fuck yourselves.

Comment by pragmatist on 2010-05-04 17:45:17 -0700 #

here’s an idea, how about you stop trying to divine intent, and fucking DISPENSE MEDICATION. I’m all for quashing doctor shopping, but based on techs I’ve known and internet reading, it’s clear you gossip about your customers worse than a fucking hair salon. I’ve had a couple (forced) consults where the pharmacist delved deeper into my condition than my fucking psychiatrist.



Comment by lovingit on 2010-05-06 10:56:48 -0700 #

interesting your drug is suboxone. i wonder how you ended up on that drug? probably the same way thousands of others have ended up on it. drug seeking, addiction, most likely illegal consumption, etc. it’s not that we’re assholes, we have both a right and ethical duty to deny drugs that have the potential to be abused, and are being abused. we can see the difference between someone trying to improve their lives and become real human beings versus the ones just trying to get a fix. if you think your situation is unique, think again. while our job should be about taking care of our patients and safely dispensing medication, we’re constantly having our attentions pulled in the direction of a low-life who believes they are entitled to certain rights, such as getting a high on suboxone then killing a family in a car accident. this is why we tell you that you can’t have it

Comment by Mike on 2010-08-26 06:33:25 -0700 #

Yeah the DEA sucks, they waste so much taxpayer money, 90% of the agency have do-nothing jobs, and harass pain doctors like nazi’s. Just b/c they have cushy desk jobs and never had to work for anything and don’t know about chronic pain, doesn’t mean they should f with other people’s lives.
As for this anry pharmacist, he sounds like a total doosh too, it’s definitely a hard job, but I’d rather do it than busting concrete all day like I do; you sound like you think you’re like an athority figure, but you’re a doosh, or douche as it’s spelled on the aisle you stare at all day. The DEA should be disbanded and you should be fired, or prefferably, someone should seize power who sees the DEA as a threat and exterminate them all b4 disbanding them, and hopefully you end up dead too, then it’d be a better world

Comment by Mike on 2010-08-26 06:41:50 -0700 #

i don’t think you can tell the difference between dogshit & your mothers face. If his doctor says he can get his meds filled, shut your face and fill it, period. I once got a nice 10k settlement justb/c a moron pharmacist assumed that there was only one Dr. Brown, haha this is America, I guess the jitbag never saw a phonebook, oh well I hope you get sued and fired too, you have no business going against a doctor. The only time you have a right to do anything is if someone is getting two of the same prescription off two seperate physicians, otherwise go f yourself, or tell me what city&state you work in so I can go get another lawsuit &your ass fired

Comment by Mike on 2010-08-26 06:49:43 -0700 #

Well, you are full of shit, b/c just as any pharmacist or person who’s not an idiot like myself will tell you, you cannot get refills on a Dilaudid script. Also some people with chronic pain who are opiate tolerant can take a lot more than your simple mind could even comprehend, and sometimes need other meds to boost their effectiveness, this is done in medicine, the medication being called an adjunct, so this person was overmedicated, your whining and bitching and overreaction about one person is what makes it harder for people who need alot of meds, just like that cumstain who was wining you get you suboxone (the weakest med in existance) and kill a family f-you what did that happen once? If it did so what, suboxone helps more people so that family is fucking acceptable losses you moron. You also spelled Vicodin wrong

Comment by Mike on 2010-08-26 06:59:36 -0700 #

For the most part AMEN! Ther are too many rertarded cumstains whining like 2 year olds and demonizing meds that help people, and are mistakenly over-estimating their importance to humanity. Yes, this war on drugs needs to be stopped. If prescription drugs were more readily available, and weed made a prescription drugs, only morons would do street drugs, and all the dealers would go broke. But don’t tell them to get a real job, there are some good pharmacists out there who mind their own business, check for interactions, and fill 1,000 scripts in a day&get the # right or sometimes throw an extra 1 or 2 in. It’s not an easy job when it gets busy, you still get a thumbs up, but don’t impune a whole proffesion of hard working , honest pharmacists b/c of a few annoying, grandiose wastes of oxygen, that’s almost as ignorant as the dooshbags you complain about

Comment by Ted Sheckler on 2010-09-01 14:16:15 -0700 #

My problem is when the Pharmacist or Pharmacist Tech thinks they are playing Quincy, M.E. or DEA agent when filling a script.

Once upon a time I was taking 5/500 Vicodin tablets. After MONTHS and the lack of a benefit along with tolerance issues, the doctor chose to move to 10/325 tablets. Twice the hydrocodone but less APAP since it is toxic in such amounts.

My pharmacy TECH snatched the prescription slip like she had found the bloody glove at O.Js’s house and raised an eyebrow like “The Rock” while saying. “Hmmmm. This is pretty strong. Does your doctor know about this?”

Ummm. The doctor knows because the doctor wrote the RX and is the same doctor who wrote ALL of the previous ones. Hell, I ONLY went to ONE pharmacy. EVER.

So, this Tech acted like she had cracked the case and as if I had been given a slip for heroin instead of hydrocodone and then insisted that she “needs to call the Dr. to make sure this is written correctly”.

So, I wait.

She calls.

The doctor says, “YES”

The doctor was rated one of Baltimore’s TOP 50 Docs of 2004 by the way and was NOT your shady troll with a prescription pad ready for anyone with a wad of cash.

Anyhow, she begrudgingly filled the prescription and STILL when I picked up the order had to tell me, “I still think this is too strong of a dose of narcotic medication. Be careful”.


Who made YOU a doctor and why should I be careful?

Never did I request an early refill, never did I bring multiple scripts in to be filled and again, I only ever went to one pharmacy.

Yet this TECH is telling me that she knows more than a top ranked Hopkins doctor and knows nothing at all about tolerance for someone who has been taking a narcotic for pain management for some time.

Hydrocodone in this form is highly ineffective and results in too high of a tolerance eventually which is why the next step was to move to a controlled-release drug in order to take less medications, have less of an effect on the body and manage the pain more effectively.

Anyhow, the TECH did not want to hand me my RX on this day, snarled at me and gave me that lecture about how it was so strong and to be careful. After this she asked me, “So, what do you even need these for anyway?”

Come again?

First, not appropriate to ask. If I get Levitra filled it is NOT OK for a TECH to say , “Can’t get it up, huh?”

So, because I had no cane she apparently imagined I was doing something nefarious and sneered as she asked just why I needed them.

I told her if she really wanted to know that she could call the doctor again since she had his number and had already done so once.


I then cut ALL ties to this pharmacy, drafted a letter to corporate and got print-outs of everything from there as I found a new one to deal with.

Since then, no problems.

So, not all pharmacists or techs think they are forensic investigators and not all of them view everyone as a doctor-shopping pill salesman.

99% of pharmacy workers are probably pretty damned good in my opinion.

Just that 1% which includes techs who think they are not only full-fledged Pharmacists but second-in-command to God Himself are so unbearable it can make you angry at the whole field.

Guess what, 99% of all patients are probably pretty damned good too. I will give you that the 1% are AWFUL. Doctor-shopping thieves and others who curse you and treat you poorly but it is just as wrong for YOU to be the “Angry Pharmacist” over 1% of your customer base as it would be for me to be “Angry AT Pharmacists” over 1% of YOUR brethren.

Work on providing top customer service and doing your job the best you can. Spend less of your time worrying about those who are getting high and make sure you are doing EVERYTHING correctly.

Because I can guarantee a lot of pharmacists and techs love to drink on the weekend and some certainly smoke marijuana so spare me the holier-than-thou rhetoric as you look down on those who abuse medications.

Not all abuse medications and it would be better if you did not abuse all customers as if they did.

Like I said, I love my new pharmacy and the workers there. I still am a one-pharmacy man and plan to be. That one TECH was the last straw and I will NEVER forget how she gripped the bag that day and scolded me for no reason whatsoever.

I say try to be less like her and more like those who are good. Keep your eyes open for sure but don’t paint everyone filling pain meds with the broad stroke of your brush lest others do the same to you.

I mean to be stereotyped would probably make you an “Even Angrier Pharmacist”, eh?

Comment by AshPenMD on 2011-03-22 05:31:02 -0700 #

It makes me a little sad that I have had significantly more knowledge than nearly every pharmacist I have encountered, since long before medical school. Even while obtaining an almost-useless BA in Psychology, my studies in pharmaceuticals (my personal interest in medicine bred from research-credit hours of addiction studies in lab mice) gave me pretty much all of the knowledge I needed to stand in line at Rite-Aid and become annoyed pretty quickly. After the ever-knowledgable pharmacist instructed the patient to “go ahead and stop taking” his Monopril (an ACE – Angiotensin-converting enzyme – inhibitor, prescribed for high blood pressure), since his BP was nearly at normal levels, my mouth kinda gaped. I waited for the transaction to complete, left the line, and proceeded to tell the advised patient that it is dangerous to stop a blood pressure med without consulting his physician on tapering instructions. After I told him about withdrawal symptoms and the possibility of cardiac arrest, he took me seriously.

The point is, I am getting more than sick of pharmacists who think that they are doctors. And it would appear we have one, right here on this very blog! Lucky day. Because I don’t deal with those douches on a daily basis already.
Its admirable that you went into a chemistry-heavy profession. Congrats. But you are by no means any kind of a medical physician. Please don’t assume you hav any idea what a patient is dealing with when they come to you with a script and you just ‘don’t feel like filling it’ because, in your opinion, there is something wrong with the patient being RXed a particular med. Its none of your business.
Do your jobs. Fill up the bottles with what we tell you to fill them up with, advise patients on OTC meds when asked, and stop pretending to have the years of med school behind you that you never earned. Appreciate it, thx.

Comment by ron on 2012-02-27 11:02:47 -0800 #

Ashpenmd I am a pharmacist and it is absurd that one would tell a patient to stop an ace inhibitor as they as they can prevent complications from heart failure, post mi, diabetes etc even with normal blood pressure. Fyi since you know so much about medications you should know that ace inhibitors usually do not require tapering as do beta blockers or clonidine. I can’t tell you the countless times I’ve corrected medical doctors prescribing mistakes and had them alter the current therapy.

Bottom the best you can at YOUR job and stop making generalized judgments on other peoples without having a clue about their job, training, or qualifications. Thx

Comment by ron on 2012-02-27 11:13:37 -0800 #

Aspenmd i am a pharmacist andand it is ludicrous that one would recommend stopping an ace inhibitor since it benefits many patients with heart failure, diabetes, and post mi even in people with normal blood pressure. Since you’re so knowledgeable about mess I thought you’d know that tapering is usuallyI not neededin with ace inhibitors like it is with beta blockers or clonidine. I have made countless medication recommendations to physicians regarding their patients that led to therapy changes.

Bottom line.. do YOUR job and stop generalizing about others professions when you gave no idea about there personal training and qualifications. Thx

Comment by ron on 2012-02-27 11:16:46 -0800 #

Sorry for all the typos..I rushed it on my phone..the point is clear regardless.

Comment by Propharmpt on 2012-06-27 19:11:58 -0700 #

“Juan Jose Carlos Maragariga VIII”…Baaaahahahaaaaaaaa

Comment by Propharmpt on 2012-06-27 19:12:45 -0700 #

oh, and FUCK the MOTHERFUCKING DEA for scaring my doc so bad he writes 30-day Rxs even in 31-day months…