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Types of Patients, part three-o!

·2559 words·13 mins

Yes! More!
First my own:

  • The Bait and Switcher: These patients usually call in a laundry list of maintence med prescriptions that all appear to be on time. However they sneak in their pain pills that are 2 weeks early hoping the’ll get ran through by accident with all the other medication. When you fail to refill said pain pills, they get upset and dont want to pick up any of their other medication.
    • The Bullshitter: These people waltz in with a new Rx for Soma or Vicodin thats 2 weeks early, and start off their conversation with “You see, heres what happened” or “Okay, i can explain”. At this point my brain shuts off and I really dont hear anything else they say other than “blah blah blah, excuse excuse excuse”.
      • The Mistery Caller: This person calls you up, says “I NEED MY PAIN PILLS REFILLED” then slams the phone down without giving a name, and Rx number or anything. Then proceeds to call 1 hour later yelling at you because they arent ready yet. I knew I shouldnt of fell asleep during that mind-reading class.
        • Worst Luck Ever: This poor soul has had their medication stolen, burnt, blown up, vaporized in an auto accident, impounded, mugged, lost, dropped in toliet, vacummed up, taken by ex-boy/girlfriend, etc. This person also has a family member die every week, and for some strange reason it only affects their pain pills or soma/valium! It never seems to happen to their blood pressure medication, or diabetes medication! Amazing! This poor soul also gets very upset when you dont take pity on him/her and demand a police report or some verification that this indeed really did happen.
          • Lost Soul: Similar to “Worst Luck Ever”, this person cant seem to remember where they put their medication! Commonly with birth control or prenatal vitamins (that are given in 3 month bursts), this person expect you replace the lost medication at no cost to them. You know, because life works that way. I lose a pocket knife so I expect the store that I bought it from to replace it free of charge. Usually pharmacies do replace the birth control, because we dont need idiots like these reproducing.
            • The Mouth Breather: 5’2″ and about 300 lbs comes storming in gasping for air demanding the 4th albuterol MDI she’s gotten in 2 weeks. Then she proceeds to mouth-breathe her ass outside where she lights up a cig and talks on her cell phone for 3 hours. All on your tax dollar. Also seen bringing in Rx’s in for ‘ensure’ because she cant eat normal food that doesnt start with Mc or Jumbo Bacon. Heres some from Dean from NY:
              I just want to say that you are awesome, and you have pretty much tacled every topic that i bitch about, however, there is one that I am not sure if you have…..The fuckin’ Drive-Thru!!!!!!!
              Dude, I don’t even know where to begn with this one. They drive up to the window (half the time, they go to the pick-up window for drop-off and vice versa) then they either slam on the call button as soon as they pull up, and most of the time somone is standing right at the window waiting on an in-store customer, or some of them aren’t even smart enough to know what the call button does, and they either rev their engine, or honk the fucklin horn for 5 minutes til someone answers them. Even when you do answer right away, they tell you “I’ll be back in 5 minutes”. On what fuckin’ planet am I going to fill 10 scripts in 5 minutes?
              Another thing is the old foolks in the drive-thru. They pull around the corner, and almost slam into the divider, then when they finally do get up to the window, they are 10 feet away from the drawer and proceed to either give you a stupid look, or yell at you that the drawer isn’t going out all the way. I usually just look at them and say that it’s as far as it goes, but really I want to say that maybe they shouldn’t be on the road if they are going to be that stupid.
              Then after the 5 minutes have passed, these people roll back up in, just like you say, a huge ass SUV, or a more expensive car than Hugh Hefner owns, then proceed to argue with you about how they are on Medicaid and they shouldn’t have to pay their fuckin dollar co-pay because they gave all their money to their kid, yet the kid is in the passenger seat saying “No you didn’t, Dad.” Or they sit there for 10 minutes while you finish, or hit the button 50 times because their insurance was wrong because they haven’t been to the pharmacy in 10 years, and they expect you to know that it is different. Then the people that are behind them are honking their horns because they don’t want to wait 2 minutes, then they proceed to burn out in the drive-thru, then come into the store and say that drive-thru is for FAST service, and how we are wasting their gas.

              From Robin:
              Heres my most annoying type of patient.
              Patient: My dr faxed/phoned in my prescription 1/2 an hour ago.
              Me: I don’t have anything yet.
              Patient: yes you do, I watched them send it. Its here.
              Me: (trying to figure out how to pull a rabbitt out of my ass) I really don’t have it. No faxes, no messages.
              Patient: I know its here. This translates into “you are a lying sack of shit who just doesn’t want to fill my prescription.”
              I think in the future I’ll just tell them it came in but I threw it out because I just didn’t feel like filling it.
              Keep them coming folks!!!

Comments #

Comment by Crystal on 2006-10-27 20:24:11 -0700 #

“Worst Luck Ever: This poor soul has had their medication stolen, burnt, blown up, vaporized in an auto accident, impounded, mugged, lost, dropped in toliet, vacummed up, taken by ex-boy/girlfriend, etc.”
Add “stolen and eaten by bears” to the list – we had a guy call in with that one over the summer. Now whenever something goes missing in the pharmacy, we blame the bears.

Comment by Richard on 2006-10-27 23:49:08 -0700 #

“Sad Soul: Idiot who tries to act like you don’t know what his antibiotic’s are for. The strength tells all.
Man, guess he should have not done that one. STD’s don’t wash off with soap and water. Chlamydia is just a little payback for an idiot.

Comment by Michelle on 2006-10-28 06:52:21 -0700 #

I must confess the posts have been hard to read this week. I have a cold and you see laughing only makes me cough more. HE HE HE!!!
The doctor is alway right!
Patient:The doctor called in my refill yesterday.
Me: I am sorry but we do not have an approval on your refill yet but I will call the doctor again.
Patient: But the doctor said they called it in
Me: It does not benefit the pharmacy to not fill your medication. (you can say that when you know your patients)
Patient: Can you loan me some I only have three left and my blood pressure will go over 200 if I do not have the medication
Me: you have enough med to make it through the rest of the week. Would you like me to call you when the doctor calls in the approval?
Patient: But, I am going to have to find a new heart doctor and I will not be able to get a same day appointment.
Me: And this is what I would like to say “How is that my problem?” After all it IS my fault your doctor cannot respond to four phone call in three days”
How often have you faxed or called the doctor for days and when you finally reach someone they say we called it in a week ago. So often I would love to respond, ” I get orgasmic pleasure when I continue to fax/call on something you CLAIM you called in because I have NOTHING better to do”

Comment by A’mee on 2006-10-28 10:07:44 -0700 #

That goddam drive-thru is the reason I quit Walgreens. One day I took in a few through the drive-thru and asked the woman when she wanted to pick these up. She says “I’m gonna wait.” I said (as politely as I could) “You can’t block the drive-thru. You can come in and wait.” She gets all pissed off, “I thought this was a DRIVE-THRU pharmacy!” I was finally pissed and said, “Yeah, you DRIVE-THRU and drop it off then you DRIVE-THRU later and pick it up!”
And the other one was people pulling up and asking “Can you get my photos and a gallon of milk for me too?” Drive-thru PHARMACY people.

Comment by Megan on 2006-10-28 20:29:01 -0700 #

I agree with Dean. I HATE the button in the drive-thru. They treat us like brainless fast food workers (not saying fast food workers are brainless, but they’re treated that way) just because you offer us the convenience of a drive-thru. Bastards.

Comment by Neena on 2006-11-10 17:32:02 -0800 #

I love it how when I’m on the phone in the pharmacy, somebody would walk up to me and just start talking to me, as if they don’t see I’m ONE THE PHONE trying to fix an insurance problem!
Or how about when they’re on their cell phones and put up their hand motioning YOU to be quiet?!
My favorite was a customer who DEMANDED free Ambien because “it took too long” to fill. Sorry bitch, this ain’t Domino’s! We don’t have a ’30 minutes or it’s free’ guarantee.

Comment by Medicaid Mike on 2006-12-21 13:40:46 -0800 #

I’m a Medicaid eligibility worker, and I can identify with some of this. Not all Medicaid clients act like this, but many do.

Comment by Terry on 2007-01-09 17:13:58 -0800 #

I have been on vicodin for almost 3 years now my Dr. changed it to Norco 10/325 with the usual Soma and Ativan for anxiety i never had a problem getting my meds but it was Saturday morning and my regular pharmacy was not open yet and i was going out of town so i took the rx to walgreens the pharmacist an asian lady looked over it very carefully and i told her i would wait she called me to the counter and said she will have to verify this because the phone number does not match and will have to wait until monday what they have on file for the different i showed her my receipt from the Medical clinic and my next appt card all with the same phone number i told her i take these meds every month and to just give me back the rx i will take it to my regular pharmacy she did not want to give it back she said ok it will be 40 minutes then she stuck it some kind of fax machine well she filled it and when i was ready to pay she said do you really need all of these meds 120 each except the ativan only 30 i said yes she said what do you have some kind of injury or something because this is a lot of medicine are they allowed to do this its only a 30 day supply i never had a problem getting my meds filled before i felt like a criminal that stold a rx pad and wrote it out my self by the time she was done with me and she asked me my phone number at least 3 times and asked when did i go to the Dr. when the date is on the rx. what is the fax copy machine for what happens to the paper rx after the rx is filled. i will never go back to walgreens i will take my empty bottles to another pharmacy next month to get refilled transfered or whatever the dr left the refill areas blank what would stop someone from circling some of the refill numbers.

Comment by TERRY on 2007-01-17 23:10:13 -0800 #

i am new to this post is there anyway to ask the Angry Pharmacist a question i know she reads all posts before putting them on the site i just want to ask some questions that are un available to the public i know the public is sick and crazy peoplethats why they need meds. you should be happy you have a clean job i want to be a pharmicist but i was told it takes 8 years to get degree of Dr. of pharmacy so you are basicaly a Dr, but not a M.D. and people treat you guys like crap they dont know about all of the education you have to have to be a Pharmacist.

Comment by Michelle on 2007-10-24 10:15:48 -0700 #

I had a question for the pharmacist, but I’ve never posted before…and now reading alot of his “types of patients” commentary, I think I already know what may have been going on in my case. I was in a bad car accident a few months ago and was given a prescription for Lortab 7.5. This was about 4 months AFTER I had liposuction and the plastic surgeon (obviously a different doc.) had given me the same thing, except his was for 10 mg.). The latest script was for 60 tabs and had 2 refills. When I used my first prescription up, I called to have it refilled with the “automated refill line”, which said it would be ready after lunch. Lo and behold, I go to pick it up and the Nazi lady working at the pharmacy looks at me and says, “There’s no prescription for you here”. I’m confused, and said, “The recording said it would be ready”. She smirks (I mean it, she really did…and this is a new lady I’ve never seen before) and says, “Your last one was filled on the 28th and we gave you a 30-day supply”. I was evidently TWO DAYS EARLY!!!! Not two weeks like you were complaining about….TWO DAYS!!!!!!
What’s the deal here? I had to go back home and wait in pain all weekend (it was already Saturday and I couldn’t call the doc) until Monday. I live in Georgia, and she invoked Georgia Law at me (which a friend later told me was a bluff and she was just being difficult because she thought I was hoarding pills or something). At first I was confused: If I was hoarding pills, why would I need them in the first place? But then I saw your posts about patients making up stories and I thought: can she seriously take me for someone with “A Problem”? I told her I was in an accident but she just acted like her hands were tied and went to busy herself with a phone call. Do I even need to defend myself and tell her what they’re for in the first place? I’d appreciate any light you guys could shed on the problem. Thanks so much.