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I’m sick, batton down the hatches!

·3055 words·15 mins

Nothing is more frustrating than having to work when you are sick. Unfortunately I’ve been sick this entire week and (due to my wonderful work ethic) cannot call in sick. Therefore I take my anger and frustration out on other people (much to the joys of you at home).
First off, a big screw-you to all those people out there who say “oh dear, why is a pharmacist working when he is sick spreading germs to everyone that comes in! Thats horrible!”. First off, I’m not coughing or sneezing into your vial (even though sometimes I’d like to take a dump in it). Second, it helps drum up business. Third, all of your sick asses come and cough on me and get my staff sick. Its payback time, go to hell.
As I sit here at 1am waiting for my promethazine-DM (no, not the codeine one you crackheads, though the Alpharma made one I heard is quite tasty) to kick in so I can sleep, let me tell you about my week.
Highlights of the Angry Pharmacist’s Week:

  • Ungrateful welfare people: I get up every morning at 6am and drag my ass into work so your lazy fucking ass can sleep until 11am. Therefore I deserve a little more courtesy than “Give me my Vico-Dans”. Seriously, let me work HARDER so you can be more of a BITCH to me. Why are my tax dollars paying for your stupid ass again? Oh, thats right, because we’re the working serfs and you’re just a welfare scammer. To those at home who want to start an argument with me: Leave your gated communities and 40k SUV’s and drive to the bad part of town and work there for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. After you clean the turd stains down the back of your legs, you’ll understand why throwing money at a problem does not make it go away.
    • Drug Reps: If you are a drug rep, go shoot yourself. If you are thinking about becoming a drug rep, go into prostitution, you’ll get more respect from me. Some drug rep comes and visits me from Pfizer trying to push Liptor. I’m swamped, sick, tired, and the hoe just stands there and doesn’t take a hint. I angerly stumble down and put on my “im happy” face and see what free shit she has for me. Nothing, just a binder with some papers. She then proceeds to tell me how wonderful Lipitor is vs Zocor. I tell her “Zocor is like $5 vs $100, how do you get off fooling yourself that Lipitor is better?”. She gives me this big hooplah about drug interactions and rabdo (she horribly mangles the whole name), etc etc etc. Basically just trying to spoon feed me the shit that Pfizer filled her head with. After she was done completely making an ass of herself I said “So, %1 of the population cant take Zocor, why should people use Lipitor when 1 month of that will pay for 1 year of Zocor?”. She hands me these stupid little reimbursement cards so you can get “a whopping $15 off of your copay”. Fucking Wee for you! 15 bucks on a 100 dollar drug! Let me dance a fucking jig of joy. She was so excited about this I think she was about to cream her panties. I ruined that by saying “Why doesn’t Pfizer just lower the price of Lipitor rather than hand out these stupid cards? Have you noticed that you’re existence being here is fueled by a similar drug going generic and dirt cheap? Where were you a year ago pushing Liptor when Zocor was trade name? What about Pravachol? Why all of a sudden all the attention to Zocor? Oh, I know, because its dirt cheap”. She gave me this really dirty look as I creamed my panties with that rant and handed me a binder citing all of the studies and told me to read it for myself. I said “Oh, nice, studies funded by Pfizer, go figure, I already know how this is going to end”. She thanked me for my time, and with a huff waltzed off. I think i soiled myself with glee after that. To all of the drug reps out there in internetland: A pharmacist is busy like a doctor. Best thing you can do is wave hello, and leave the stuff with the clerks if you stand there more than 30 seconds without the pharmacist acknowledging your existence. You all have the uncanny ability to come at the absolute wrong time (during lunch) so thats why we (meaning I) am always pissy when I see you. Plus to be honest, we really don’t give a shit what you are pushing, we just like the free pens. The person you should be lap-dancing for is the insurance companies. They run the show, we dont. We’ll switch it to a generic 99% of the time because then we get lube when the insurance companies rape our behinds. Insiders view, take it how you will.
      • “Nurses” who cant speak english: Totally insulted a “nurse” by saying “Im sorry, can you get someone who speaks english? I really cant understand a word you are saying”. Then the person who got on said I was being an asshole! Me? An asshole? NEVAH! I just said that I couldn’t understand the persons english and to just give me the fucking Rx so I can stop wasting more time. I mean it wasn’t anything ambiguous.. Only HYDRALAZINE 25 tid. You know, a totally legit sig for Hydralazine or Hydroxyzine. I’ll just flip a coin on this one. People think that we need correct directions for medications. HA! All of pharmacy is just good guesses and tons of luck! Silly non-english speakers and their bok-bok accents! Seriously, remove the stick from your anus and wake up. People’s lives are at stake and if you cant fucking say the drug names than you shouldn’t be calling in Rx’s.
        • Pharmacy Student Associations: Yanno what really bugs me? These pharmacy school students who are so gung-ho about the profession that they go to all the meetings, and get togethers, and circle jerks, and orgys, etc. They are so proud to be president of some alphabet soup association. They think they are so fucking important “pioneering the way for the future of pharmacy”. Oh, im sorry, us retail folk are busting our ass to serve what you so gleefully verbally masturbate each other about. I’m not saying that the associations are bad, they do a ton of good and I’m a member (yes yes, I know) of them, but the students who go all horny and brag about how they hold an office and put it on their resume. After you have been in the trenches for 15 years, then you can ‘pioneer’ to your hearts content. How do you fucking ‘know’ the profession or what it ‘needs’ when you’re just a fucking two bit student and have never worked a fucking day as a fucking pharmacist. Whew, prometh kicked in when writing that one.
          • Working while Sick: As said before, I’m ill. Yes, I did work due to some people calling in dead or retarded. Yes I have wonderful work ethics that I will only go home if I am on a death bed. Yes, I am every employee an independent pharmacy has wet dreams about. Yes I am fucking awesome and if you knew me in real life you would say “YOU ARE FUCKING AWESOME”. However the awesome-machine that is me tends to gum up and jam when I’m sick. I fucking hate it. I feel like ass, and no matter how much ibuprofen, entex-la, and prometh-dm I guzzle I still feel like ass. I have no urges to try the shit with codeine, or tussionex, or any of that controlled shit. I only took prometh-dm because we didn’t have an open bottle of Robatussin DM hanging around and I didn’t feel like buying it.
            • SHOWERS: For fucks sake! I’m on the verge of throwing up so hard my asshole would suck in air. All I need is for some funky smelling patient coming in and giving me dry heaves. Seriously, go jump in a pond or use the garden hose in the back to bathe. Fortunately my nose is all stuffed up, so I’m partially immune to their evil powers, however I can do that mouth-smell thing. Ew.
              So yes, that has been my week. I left out the parts about crying and early refills, and the other mundane shit that everyone reads on here.

Comments #

Comment by Kazy Roo on 2007-08-25 03:39:26 -0700 #

A perfect rant as usual! 🙂
Hope you feel better soon! Although getting better is probably more of a threat to you then a well meant wish with all you have to go through at work.

Comment by becky on 2007-08-25 05:03:30 -0700 #

My husband,daughter and best friend are pharmacists.I would love to invite you to my home for shots of anything that will make you forget how much you hate people.but wait,the chances of the four of you being able to get together at the same time are slim.Hope you feel better.

Comment by Natalie on 2007-08-25 05:58:29 -0700 #


Comment by Rxpooh on 2007-08-25 06:45:07 -0700 #

Feel better angry pharmacist!!!!

Comment by Matt Crowley on 2007-08-25 11:31:08 -0700 #

Once again, you have hit the nail on the head. You always get the minute details right, too, such as why the welfare scum always have to refer to the Holy Grail of Vicodin as “Vicodins” as in “my Vicodins”. In Seattle “Vicodins” are always “lost” on The Bus:

Comment by DrRx on 2007-08-25 14:48:52 -0700 #

OK, though it’s been quite a long time since your last post, I’m a pharmacist, so I simply MUST check back periodically to hear someone else ranting about the aggrevations of this profession!
The only comment I have about this rant is with the salesrep comments. I agree 100% and will go even further. On principal, I will take NO SCHWAG (free goods) from these moraless people…. If you take hand-outs from them, then you are buying into the same shiz that they are ‘selling’…. Those pens that everyone think are so innoccous…. They are flippin’ everywhere! At your doctor’s office, your mechanic, the plumber, etc…. People… Here’s another reason you’re paying a shiz-load for your drugs! Even when the companies aren’t sending physicians to the bahamas for all-expense paid vacations, paying medical journals not to publish negative studies, and trying to tell you that the ‘new-age’ neb’d beta agonist they are selling (which costs 15x the amount of the racemate which has worked faithfully for 100 years and is just a flippin’ no originality knock-off of the parent drug), they are spending millions on pens and post-it notes to ‘give’ to you for listening to their crap for 5 minutes…. All that money that supposedly goes to the R&D of ANOTHER ‘knock-off’ isomer drug for the future (where are all the NME’s?) is really going to this shiz…

Comment by Kel on 2007-08-25 16:01:58 -0700 #

“…throwing up so hard my asshole would suck in air.”
DUDE. I just laughed so hard my asshole twitched.

Comment by Pharmer Jane on 2007-08-25 20:20:14 -0700 #

Man, you are seriously having a rough time. I totally feel for you. I’ve gone to work with a stomach flu before and had to run to the bathroom in the middle of a consultation with a patient. Feel better.

Comment by DanTech on 2007-08-25 21:41:50 -0700 #

Glad your back. I thought maybe you were working double shifts and was to tired to rant.
Colds, headaches, mild nausea, and diarrhea are not good reasons to call in sick. We sell OTC drugs one can take to “suffer through” the condition.
In the pharmacy we are constantly bombarded by various bacteria, viruses, fungi, and idiots that staying home does not prevent others from getting sick. Wash your hands and just deal with it.
Don’t be a wimp.

Comment by Mike on 2007-08-25 22:06:16 -0700 #

Fucking hilarious !!! I feel your pain. We’ve all been there before. Get well quick … You know, because thousands of lazy babymommas need you to work hard so they don’t have to!

Comment by Cathy Lane RPh on 2007-08-26 08:15:03 -0700 #

Okay, I’m sorry you’re sick and not feeling well. I’m sure the day will come soon when you are not so dispirited. You can’t see my frown about using that ‘vulgar’ language to describe your situation, however.
In the meantime, I have a question. What’s your take about generic warfarin and levothyroxine? Certain chain stores offer $4.–/month fills of these? Are the pts getting subtherapeutic doses? Clinical judgment, yeah, I know, but first we saw in the 90’s studies showing no problems, then those were discounted by rational folks that were able to backtalk Dupont and Knoll formerly Abbott, etc. and discount the bogus or incomplete drug studies to prove claim legitimacy. There doesn’t still seem to be a consensus, yet. Maybe there never will be, especially when I recall complaints from a customer who describes in detail the stomachache she had from ‘generic Synthroid’ from when she was swallowing the first dose. For pts initiating therapy, not stablized–brand name? If stabilized on a certain generic brand, continue the same generic brand?
‘Trench beyond the next hill’

Comment by beesnest on 2007-08-26 08:45:49 -0700 #

My, you are in an extra special bad mood today. For the love of God would you go home and plant your ugly mug under the covers for a couple days. Ever hear of taking care of yourself? Even better, make other people take care of you with hot soup, tissues with that special cream, and free sedating drugs. Take a little NyQuil for Pete’s sake.
You can come to my ER anytime, and we’ll fix you up with some tussionex- not the wimpy stuff either. You can chill out on a hall stretcher and watch the unwashed masses go by. A little drunken heckling is always encouraged- so long as it’s aimed at the patients.

Comment by mary on 2007-08-26 11:04:46 -0700 #

oh my god you are so funny!I,m a pharmacy tech in new york working for a very busy independent store.people pretty much suck everyone is on vicodin
ambien and oxycodone,we have a dirty md who will write for anything you want.and everyone hates us because ther copays are to high,IM NOT YOUR FUCKING INSURANCE REP,CALL THEM AND COMPLAIN!!!!!ive been doing this for 20 years im very burnt out.thank god i only work 4 days a week well anyway your letter was really on the mark good luck with everythimg

Comment by jeve on 2007-08-26 17:39:39 -0700 #

Can I use this quote? Sums up the entire american medical situation. “We’ll switch it to a generic 99% of the time because then we get lube when the insurance companies rape our behinds.” Jeve

Comment by Josh Parto on 2007-08-26 21:28:37 -0700 #

You’re fucking hilarious =)
Bookmarked — I’ll be back!

Comment by Kim on 2007-08-27 05:39:27 -0700 #

Haha, great post as always. I always agree with everything you say (and am surprised the non-English speaking nurses calling in RX’s wasn’t brought up a long time ago…), but I have to say the one thing I have yet to experience (and maybe it’s the locations I choose to work in) is people who do not bathe. Seriously, dirty nasty (homeless? Are they homeless at least? That somehow makes it a little better for me) folks droppin’ off an RX for Vico-dans (haha) would make me do my heeby-jeeby dance. Bleh. I must wipe down our countertops/pin machine/pen/register with alcohol no less than 4 times a day because I’m afraid of catching what the unclean masses brings in, haha. God, if a filthy ever came in, I would probably lose it with my OCD-ass self. =)

Comment by knitalot3 on 2007-08-27 11:29:47 -0700 #

I hope you are feeling better. You must be exhausted after that post.
I’m also interested in hearing what you think about warfarin and levothyroxine as someone close to me is on both.

Comment by GingerB on 2007-08-27 12:15:03 -0700 #

I hope this finds you feeling better.
My employer pulled this HR thing where I lost a week of sick leave and had the rest folded into my vacation. My feeling is I can be sick and miserable at home or I can be sick and miserable at work — but I’m getting paid at work, so why stay home!
My same employer is big on sending us stuff about the upcoming flu pandemic. The latest was an email about how to sneeze and cough. Apparently in your shirt sleeve is the way to do it. I guess it’s a reason to wear washable clothes.
I agree about the swag – Just Say No.

Comment by Brian (The Pissed off tech) on 2007-08-27 20:37:08 -0700 #

That was beautiful man…

Comment by linda on 2007-08-28 11:38:46 -0700 #

I love you angry pharmacist, you put a smile on my face…and guess what? I was a drug rep for years, and I still laugh everytime I read your rants….keep it up!

Comment by Matt on 2007-09-01 07:05:33 -0700 #

Im going to need your contact info so I can bill you for my new computer!!
I just spewed my drink all over mine.
“throwing up so hard my asshole would suck in air” classic
keep up the good work

Comment by Sue N on 2007-10-12 06:00:17 -0700 #

I have worked in Dr.’s offices for years and had the same “discussions” with pharm reps about cost of meds vs all the “free stuff” they give out. I commend you completely on your opinion of cost vs “free stuff”. I did not, however, have health insurance for the longest time and thanks to these very same reps – I got samples (thru my Dr.). If these reps were not giving out “free stuff” maybe I could afford to buy my medication myself. My medication is high blood pressure meds, anti-depression meds and RLS meds just in case you were wondering. My point being: don’t give out free stuff – let the cost of medicine go down.