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Pharmacy Certainties – The Hot Patient

·1278 words·6 mins

This particular certainty needs its own section, because its true no matter what. I know my fiance’ is going to murder me when she reads this. This applies to the single male pharmacy population.
Hot girl walks into your store. Usually they only make themselves noticed during the dead of summer when they are wearing nothing more than a bra and panties. You’re swamped with work (as always) but a quick nudge by your male tech next to you grabs your attention. The transition from a hot summer day to a very cold A/C’d pharmacy makes things.. Uh.. noticeable. You try to keep your mind on work, but you cant seem to keep your eyes off of the hot piece of ass standing there at your counter. You do the whole “look over the top of the monitor” trick to make it appear you’re working and not checking her out.
I know all of the females are going to get upset, but hey, its instinct.
She hands you an Rx, you punch her central profile up, and the certainties start flying:

  • She is ALWAYS too young. You wonder if her mother knows she is out flaunting the goods trying to bait guys into statutory rape-ville.
    • You see the following on her central profile: Valtrex, Acyclovir, Zithromax 1gm x 50 dispensings, PlanB x 3000 dispensings, Birth Control (filled but RTS’d), Prenatal vitamins #300 filled 4 times about 3 months apart and of course, some nice expensive HIV meds.
      • The largest, ugliest, dirtiest mexican guy walks right up next to her, and they start to violate each other with their tounges right there in front of your staff
        • Hickeys. Lots and lots of hickeys.
          Suddenly, you are able to concentrate on your work a whole lot more as your soul dies just a little. You can hear your single male tech next to your breathe a sigh as his soul dies just a little bit more than yours did.

Comments #

Comment by Brian on 2007-09-08 12:18:05 -0700 #

True….oh so true…

Comment by MrH on 2007-09-08 13:06:00 -0700 #

Yup, the classic “look over the top of the monitor” trick crosses the Atlantic. Closely followed by the “I’m not looking down your top whilst you bend over to sign your prescription”
What does RTS stand for? Return to Stock?

Comment by rxloren on 2007-09-08 14:14:44 -0700 #

Angry, how do you know he’s Mexican?

Comment by Miss-step therapy on 2007-09-08 16:04:55 -0700 #

I had a streak going for a while where every girl who would smile at me was picking up scripts for antipsychotics. Then of course the ones you are into always are filling contraceptives meaning you are out of luck 9 out of 10 times right off the bat.

Comment by techgirl on 2007-09-08 19:02:57 -0700 #

To Mr. H,
RTS is refill too soon.

Comment by mike on 2007-09-08 21:42:16 -0700 #

Don’t forget about the downward crotch stare from the drive-thru window while you’re pretending to be concerned that they’ve retrieved everything from the drawer!
However, with each of these methods there are risks…. Not only of being caught, but of getting a different view than you expected! The ‘over the monitor’ trick fails when the apparent hottie gets close and you realize that she’s an original AARP recipient….. and her ID number is probably “12”. Then there’s the ‘down the shirt’ fiasco when the nice rack is so saggy when she leans over that they rest on the counter like two overfilled water balloons stretching from gravity. But the nastiest is the ‘drive-thru crotch shot’ when the thighs look like an interstate road map with all the blue and red vessels….. Or worse yet, the bulge you happen to spot is too big to be cameltoe or a winged maxi pad…. And you realize you’ve just waited on Dragzilla!!!

Comment by Dean C - Blo, NY on 2007-09-09 05:16:05 -0700 #

I can’t tell you how many chicks have lost “hot points” for getting Plan B and Aldara.

Comment by Gravelpit on 2007-09-09 08:20:05 -0700 #

What always happens to me is, I’ll have a rare moment of down-time and this real REAL HOTTIE will come into the store and start spending some quality time
in the vitamin section RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME…and just as she bends over [not the “ladylike” way]to check out the iron supplement on the bottom shelf–she and I being whisked away to some deserted island {mentally anyways}…I hear some old bat from the PRIVATE consultation area say-excuse me, excuse me…after coming to my senses and realizing that I’m really still at work…The old bat proceeds to interrogate me for 20 minutes on which eyebrow curler is best…The only thing I can see is the condom section, the consultation divider and of course the old bat–and afterward **my deserted island beauty–**poof**–vanished!!!

Comment by Katie on 2007-09-09 14:55:31 -0700 #

RTS is “Return to Stock” in my pharmacy…
Looks like you have two options of which to decide it means!

Comment by Lester on 2007-09-09 16:59:59 -0700 #

You’re all a bunch of perverts!!!

Comment by Student6785 on 2007-09-09 20:12:14 -0700 #

I agree with everything previously stated but had a very funny encounter today. Hot blonde walks up to my window i look up and am pleasantly suprised, normally just an elderly crowd. Well i say how may i help you and the answer i got was funny, i actually laughed. She asked if we were open. I was standing at my computer typing in scripts and gave her a weird look, looked around at a tech and my pharmacist and said yeah. When she walked off we all just busted up laughing and she turned around and looked back and we just laughed harder.

Comment by eut on 2007-09-10 21:39:57 -0700 #

been there done that. the pharmacy i used to work at had a complex system within its system that kept track of the hot ones. the number of exclamation points in their profile was an indicator of hotness level. it was a system that was developed over many hours. god, i miss working there.

Comment by richard on 2007-09-12 09:20:51 -0700 #

you ever have the joy of interviewing a smoking hot tech, pharmacy student or pharmacist?
i had the hottest of smoke at my pharmacy last month, looking for a pharmacist position.
my partner and i had to use all of our Superior Pharmacist Mind Power to divert our eyes from her highly exposes cleave

Comment by Chem Free since 93 on 2007-09-13 12:25:49 -0700 #

Wow, rants from the most trusted profession. Checking out mentally ill hotties and how to get away with it. By the way, do you have beer and gravey stains on that labcoat?

Comment by Chem Free since 93 on 2007-09-13 12:25:51 -0700 #

Wow, rants from the most trusted profession. Checking out mentally ill hotties and how to get away with it. By the way, do you have beer and gravey stains on that labcoat?

Comment by rph3664 on 2007-09-13 20:58:35 -0700 #

I work in a hospital now, and I am a woman, but man, I sure wish the place where I worked had hot men! It was a very economically depressed river town where most of the people looked like that little creature in “Toy Story” that was bell-shaped, and had an antenna and three eyes.

Comment by PharmDick on 2007-09-26 19:29:26 -0700 #

When I worked for Eckerd the front end manger used to use the overhead to page “price check aisle #” any time there was a hot chick. Those were good times.