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Perverts and Cougars

·1353 words·7 mins

Every store has these (amazing how often I use that opener, i’m really on a roll lately).
The unwashed, unlaid, fat, lazy, mouth-breathing pervert. The one who comes into the pharmacy as all of your female front-end girls make a bee-line to the break room. The one who would rather hold a conversation with a pair of tits or an ass than to a face.
I love it when these guys come in. Absolutely love it.
First off, they waltz in with their beer-guts hanging out over the front of their way-too-tight shorts. You would think that after 45 years on this planet you’d learn how to dress yourself. At this point, almost in unison, all of the girls spin around and give me a deer-in-the-headlight look. I return their look with a huge grin and an anticipation as to what he is going to say.
Obviously there is a reason why guys like these have never touched a breast (consensually) or ever gotten laid. Be it their lack of body hygiene, or just the absolute lack of tact in the way they present themselves. Example:
Now to all of the ladies out there; as you may or may not know, there is over 20000 years of hard-wired instinct that reflexively makes the eyes of males go south to look at your fun-bags. Now most guys will admit that looking at your taters without getting caught is a fine art, not so much unlike looking into the sun. You take quick glances, and know when enough is enough. Since most of the time the women are wearing low cut tops, you expect this, and life goes on. Its like taking a few grapes from the supermarket to see if they are ripe or not. Everyone does it, so no big deal.
These guys however will have an entire conversation with your tits. Their eyes are glued to your snack-trays like watching out for a snake is going to erupt from your cleavage and bite them in the neck. Why am I so amused? Because its extremely funny to see what the girls do in response to this. Most will just button their smock, some will shift positions or play with a necklace. Its like watching the mating rituals of a 45 year old virgin on National Geographic (well, without the saggy boobs).
After a few min’s of polite attention to the tops of your boobs, they ask for their prescription. Then comes another 10 min of small-talk to the tops of the puppies and away they go. Lysol fills the air shortly thereafter, and the girls all chatter as to how disgusting he is.
The perverted (read: desperate) females are even better to watch. They come in wearing an outfit that leaves nothing to the imagination, and start up a conversation that you feel you should pay $1.99/min to continue. The old saying rings true: Like an old dog-turd laying on the lawn; the older women are, the easier they are to pick up. Now I’ll admit, if you took care of yourself in your youth, you can look really good by the time you hit your 50’s. However the ones showing off the goods are the ones that really shouldn’t. Usually the front end staff look at each other, look at us in the back, and try not to laugh as the women strut their goods that have long exceeded the expiration date. I usually just shake my head, stare at the computer screen like I’m really busy filling their premarin, and hope they don’t ask me any questions about what sort of substance is oozing out of their vagina.

Comments #

Comment by Denise on 2007-09-07 11:07:17 -0700 #

funny, and oh too true post.
i worked in a pizza delivery as an undergrad, and i actually had a couple of these “men” come in too meet me…UUGHH…shower necessary…
but, this post makes me think you must not have any daughters…

Comment by Grasshopper on 2007-09-07 13:11:32 -0700 #

I’ve had that exact experience with the nasty hooker-type coming in, knowing exactly what every alprozolam and HC/APAP 7.5 look like, and the girls leaving me to her. I took it like a man, but man….that female was nasty!!

Comment by James on 2007-09-07 13:15:55 -0700 #

LMAO that is too much, because it is soooo accurate. First, Pharmacy personnel, should not be wearing anything revealing. They explained that to you during your first semester of pharm. school! Second, We’re not suppossed to judge these people haha after all isn’t there a medicine for anti-perversion? If there is, let me know because I need some. I think this pharmacist has an awsome unbiased view of people. Women like to be looked at, but only by the hot ones. Men love to look at women, but only the hot ones. The key is playing the game and laughing about it. If you can do that then work becomes fun…

Comment by Gravelpit on 2007-09-07 15:51:13 -0700 #

Laughing too hard…You reminded me of a customer she was a known prostitute in the area…She always came in looking for something for a sore throat…We never did figure out if her sore throat was caused by an STD or from abuse…too funny

Comment by A Bohemian Road Nurse… on 2007-09-07 19:45:10 -0700 #

What I’m going to say may be unpopular, but I have always been curious about people and their motives, behaviors, and general outlooks of humanity in general.
So you probably won’t publish this comment because you might take it as an insult, although it is not meant to be. I’m simply stating an observation.
Which is: although you’re spot-on accurate in your physical and behavioral descriptions of certain types of people, I must admit that I sense that you may have a negative attitude towards women in general. Because some of your terms for women seem…a little misogynistic.

Comment by StephRx on 2007-09-10 18:28:44 -0700 #

Miss Boheme, the Angry Pharmacist doesn’t like men, either.

Comment by rph3664 on 2007-09-13 21:03:24 -0700 #

I’ll never forget the old guy at the blood pressure machine whose entire hairy butt crack was visible! My tech sometimes worked with her dad in his home remodeling business, and she saw that, cracked up laughing, and said it’s completely true what they say about plumbers.
Denise, he must not have any sisters either.

Comment by Prophetess of Doom on 2007-10-25 14:50:14 -0700 #

I’m a technician for an independent pharmacy. Been a tech for five years now.
First, I love your and drugmonkey’s blogs. Very funny, very true!
I love my job but hate some of the people. You and drugmonkey are spot on in your descriptions of people who make me insane-angry. The worst are those who choose to wear cheap, nasty cologne. With a liberal hand. I don’t want to smell you, or your cologne.
Old women? (I am a woman, so I can say this…) I stand right by the window, so I hear things I wish I didn’t. Old woman who is so horny she can’t stand still. Pops triazolam like it’s Easter candy. Has a thing for my Rph.
Typical conversation she has with her “lady” friend who comes in with her to pick up her visions of purple-elephants inducing drug.
“He’s so fricking hot.” I’m typing away at her RX, trying to get insurance to bite early on her triazolam.
“I know he goes to the casino, I should go when I see his car there.”
“Have you ever had a black man?” Had? Is he a big mac? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you see me standing right here?
On this goes, like he’s a seven layer bean dip and they haven’t had lunch, yet.
Thank god her insurance paid for the meds. I have to add that I don’t think he is that hot. We work together nine hours a day. I’ve seen things that would make your hair curl. But I’ll let them have their fantasy and I’ll keep my fantasy that he’ll turn into Jason Statham someday.